Still Breathing
by Cristina Yang is my hero
Summary: All they can do is keep breathing. Cristina Burke. Post season finale. ANOTHER UPDATE!
1. The Breakdown

**A/N: ****This is a WIP and I'll try to update every chance I get but right now I'm kinda busy and really shouldn't be doing this but it's just that I was left so heartbroken by the finale I figured I had to write anything that could take my mind away from what happened.**

**I. The Breakdown:**

I asked Meredith to wait for me in the car while I went upstairs and talked to him. When I got out I could feel the questioning gazes upon me but somehow they didn't made me realize how odd it must be to see a "bride" entering an apartment building without the groom. I was numbed to the unfamiliar gazes, I was numbed to everything surrounding me. My movements weren't my own. I felt like my body was moving in automatic motion driving me somewhere I knew, somewhere in my clouded mind, I wanted to get but I don't remember how exactly I had traveled from the car to the door of our apartment.

I know my body took the key under the carpet, where we used to keep it just in case anyone forgot their own. Because yes, I had a key he left for me in my cup of coffee once. And yes, it was the key to his apartment that suddenly became our apartment. I know right, me? Sharing an apartment with a man that I actually loved? Yes, and I had my doubts at first but it wasn't as near as bad an idea as I thought it was. In fact, it was a great idea. In our apartment we spend moments I would've never spend living in mine. Alone. Without him.

I walked in but something wasn't right. I looked inside our bedroom and the bed was unmade, the same way I had left it in the morning. I thought he had just gotten there because he wouldn't be able to be there for more that 5 minutes and not do the bed. Then I saw his nightstand and his grandmother's picture was gone. I distinctly remembered seen it that morning before leaving to Seattle Grace and asked myself if maybe the choker I was wearing today had been used by the woman in the picture in her wedding day. I also wondered if she had felt the same way I did when Mamma put it around my neck.

I turned my head to see if it was there. It wasn't. The day before I'd asked Burke to give me back the lucky scrub cap I had given him months ago. He asked me why and I just said I wanted it back, but really I felt like I needed it. It always served me well when I felt I wasn't focused enough. It reminded me of who I wanted to be and what I was here for. And lately I felt like I had forgotten all about that. I had lost track of who I was or what I wanted. Somehow what I wanted stopped being important. What he wanted was what mattered the most. What would make him happy without thinking about what made _me_ happy, because in the end, if he was happy so was I. A mistake I don't intent to make ever again.

I took my eyes away from the doorknob to see if something else was missing. And suddenly the empty places started popping out like if they had been highlighted by some kind of glowing gloom, if that's even possible. He's trumpet was gone. I walked to the empty place where it used to be and my eyes rested their gaze there without blinking, but what they were actually seeing was pictures of memories my mind had chosen to play. My body was responding in ways I did not control. My eyes were watching that day when he told me everything about playing in his school marching band and I remembered teasing him for being such a dork. Also came to my mind the day he finally understood why there were rules about attendings dating interns and then how he taught me I wasn't always right and how when that happened I had to apologize. I had arrived to our relationship sure I was always right but he made me see otherwise.

At last there it was. That big, hollow, empty place where all his Eugene Foote collection used to be. Vinyl's and CD's. Vanished. Totally empty. There still remained some pictures he asked me to take out of an old box of mine. He said everybody deserved to have memories and pictures helped remind us of them. In that moment I wished I didn't had memories at all and the last thing I needed to remember of those memories I so desperately wanted to erase were pictures. They were lucid in my mind as if they were happening right then and there. He locked himself in an on-call room and I knew he was there. So I came there to find him distraught after operating on Eugene Foote who'd died on the table. I listened to him saying how he wasn't the brightest like me but he was the best because, as Eugene Foote, he always practiced. He was disciplined and determined. He _is._ That day I got to see another side of him. Something I had never seen before. He allowed me to see him vulnerable. He let me know that he wasn't always strong and I learn that I could be strong for him and that if I was ever as weak as he was then I could let him see it. Because he trusted me. _Because I trusted him. _

I looked out the window wondering where he was because I knew he was gone. Somewhere in my brain the message had been received but for some strange reason it didn't seem real. He was no longer there nor the things that mattered the most to him. He had only left behind what he wouldn't need. What wouldn't help him through the day. What he could spare from his life. And I was among those things. Where had I gone wrong? I did everything according to the plan. I did everything that I was supposed to do to make him happy. But maybe all I could do wasn't enough. Maybe _I_ wasn't enough.

I heard the door opening and I turned around as fast as that damn dress let me. It was Meredith. She's been always so loyal. She's been always there. But in that moment it really didn't made me feel any better that she was the one opening the door and not him.

"He's gone" I said out loud for the first time and the statement was made a little bit more real. I felt like someone had ripped off my arm.

"I don't think he's gone. His stuff is still here." How couldn't she see it? He's absence was as obvious as it was painful. I explained to her how every item that was an essential part of him was missing. Those items that made him who he was and that had become part of myself. Whoever the hell I was now. Now that he wasn't there, now that they only belonged to him. I looked out the window one last time and I turned to look at Meredith.

"He's gone" And it was real. The pain I felt before was nothing compare to what I was feeling at that moment. "I'm free" Was I ever really trapped? Was it his fault or mine? "Damn it" It hit me the first time. It was like a low blow to my underbelly. If I had only stood my ground and stick to the things I wanted instead of always giving in. "Damn it" Another hard blow. All this time I had felt like I wasn't myself, like if the things I was doing weren't the things _I_ would ordinarily do. But I knew that when he smiled at me all the effort in the world was worth it, because he was worth it but was I? The necklace became a chain and it started to enclose around my neck. I needed to get it off of me. It was a reminder of what I would never be. What I would never have. What I never really wanted until I met him and he made me want all those things I had catalogued as idiotic and made for the weak. Meredith helped me take it off but the dress felt like fingers around my body squeezing hard and the pain was unbearable. I needed to get out of it. It was eating me alive. It was consuming that last shred that was left of me. Because I didn't do the white dress, or the flowers, or the maids of honor and sure as hell didn't do the family necklace tradition. _Me_. The person Burke had walk out on.

And then, when I was finally out of that dress all that was left was this huge gaping hole full of emptiness. I remember holding onto Meredith because I couldn't stand on my legs. _I_ couldn't. The air felt like tiny pieces of glass cutting through my nostrils to my throat and from there down to my lungs. This was the second time since I had arrived to Seattle that I felt like this and the third time in my whole life. In all of that pain and emptiness I found an answer. He had saved _me._ He hadn't only taught me how to do an EKG, how to be a person and how to think about others instead of only myself; he had also saved me. He had saved me from destroying myself and at the same time from being left without me. All at the expense of his dream to finally have it all. The dream he made me want as well. The dream I thought we could make real together.


	2. The Heart Man

**A/N: Okay maybe the ****first chapter didn't exactly take my mind away from all the angst in the SF but I feel so much better. I needed to get it out of me. If you have read previous fictions I've wrote you can see I took away her sarcastic remarks and jokes and that was for 2 simple reasons:**

**She is in a dark place right now. Certainly not in the mood to make any jokes.**

**She feels like she doesn't know who she is anymore and it's trying to get a grip of what's left of her. Meaning she has to first find herself again before getting back to her old snarky self. **

**This second chapter won't be any less ****angsty**** so now you've been warned. It'll focus around Burke's POV about what happened. I appreciate genuine feedback.**

**II. The Heart Man**

I have my eyes shot but I can still see her face. It's like her face had been tattooed in the back of my eyelids with this specific expression, the one she had when I called off the wedding. Her features revealed a mixture of hurt and confusion. And that image had been the one my brain had decided to keep in storage for me to see every time I closed my eyes. The one image that showed how much pain I had instilled in her. It was like some inconscient punishment I had brought upon myself. I never wanted to hurt her. She is what I love the most. And I can say that because I didn't marry her. Otherwise I would be a total hypocrite to myself and to everybody else. I can say I love her because I put her out of her misery. But still, that pained look in her eyes, make me think that her misery might have just begun. Just as mine.

I remember waiting for her to come walking down the aisle and telling Sheperd she wouldn't be Cristina if she didn't need a little push. But truth to be told I knew better. When _I_ was walking down the aisle, in the wrong direction I might as well add, to see what had happened to her and why was she taking so long I saw something else. She didn't need to be push to go into a surgery or to go to the hospital because she wanted to do those things. I remembered that that same morning I had an operation which could take as much as 5 hours and she was asking me about it but not to make sure I would be in the chapel on time, but because she wanted in on it. In the day she's suppose to be getting ready for our wedding. She wanted more to be operating than getting married. I decided to go blind in that moment and just act as if the thing she cared was that I'd be there on time. That's what I wanted her to care about.

I never really knew why she had a momentary freaked out but I don't think it would've made any difference if I did. Because what I did wasn't walking out on her. I wanted to stay. I wanted her to be my wife. I was sure, but she wasn't. I didn't leave her. I gave her back herself.

I remember one day not too long ago when she came back home and I was waiting for her. That day I had seen how the fire in her eyes turn into ashes. That morning she paged me because she needed me over the bridal shop to clarify what was going on. When I got there she asked me if I was kidding her when I said I wanted the big wedding and that I thought she wasn't serious when she said to make an appointment at City Hall. I stood there seriousness in my face and said "No" and that was it. That was the first time it became clear to me. She only said "Oh" with the saddest look in her eyes before she nodded and brushed the back of her hand on my chest. I felt like I was forcing her into something she didn't want but she said nothing, she just looked down and accepted my will. Because I leaded and she was suppose to follow. I thought about that all day. That look and her actions afterwards spoke volumes, but then again, I ignored them. Or at least I tried. That night I told Mamma Cristina never really knew what she wanted, that I was always the one leading and she followed and that one day she would be happy. Because I knew I was leading her to a place where every other woman would want to go, where every other woman would gladly follow. But not Cristina. Not _my_ Cristina. She always gave in when it came down to me but not without putting up a fight, to say the least, and in the last months I had seen that feisty spirit of hers slowly burning away from her eyes. She did know what she wanted I just never listened. I took what she wanted for granted and little by little she started doing the same. I wasn't exactly the most flexible person either but, to be honest, as much as I love her, she and I want different things. And frankly how do we get pass that? Is there any way to fix such a thing? When she finally got home I was thinking that maybe she wasn't in this whole wedding thing as much I wanted her to be but the first thing she said to me, after making sure no mothers were around, is that she had found a dress. She knew that's what I wanted to hear. She knew that that would make me happy. But was she happy? So I asked her she said that of course she was and quickly proceeded to ask me the same question. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I wasn't happy because I knew the effort she was doing to make sure I was but I really was worried. She kept taking off of herself to make room for me so I only said that I was happy and she had this satisfied expression on her face, like if that was the only thing she wanted to hear. It broke my heart to see that she cared so much for my happiness. I felt selfish.

I wanted to keep believing that she wanted the same things I did but I just couldn't keep turning my eyes at the reality in front of me. Did she want the wedding? No. Did she want the marriage? I doubt it. She said she wouldn't be a wife. I know she doesn't want to be nobody's wife. She wants to be Cristina Yang widely renown cardiothoracic surgeon not Cristina Burke wife of widely renown cardiothoracic surgeon Preston Burke. And I can't make her want otherwise. In fact, I really want her to be independently successful. I'm sure she'll be. A cold tear rolls down my cheek and I don't mind to wipe it away. It'll dry just like the others did.

I know the moment she sets foot in our apartment she'll know I'm gone. She'll quickly see everything that's missing but I took one thing she might take weeks to notice is gone. I needed something to hold on to. I took the things I just couldn't leave behind. It took too much of my strength to leave Cristina and I didn't had any strength left to leave anything more that meant something to me.

Cristina has this special ability. She can bring me down. Bottom down. In the lowest pits of hell that is. But she can also bring me as high as nothing else in my life. I was sure there was no drug in the world that could ever make me feel the way she made me feel. She could be rough around the edges but she let me see this side of her nobody would ever imagine she has. I hope it doesn't fades away now that I'm not there. I remember this specific morning, when she had just moved in, and I was coming back home from my morning jog. She was dancing in our kitchen with her green iPod and her green toothbrush in her mouth. I caught a glimpse of her before she noticed I was watching her. For a moment she stood there thinking that maybe she had made a fool out of herself or at least that's what I read in her expression and then she started dancing moving towards where I was standing. She took off my shirt and, obviously, in old Cristina fashion, threw it to the floor. At first I was a little hesitant about dancing. It felt kind of silly for me to dance when I could barely hear the song. But then silly became fun and we started dancing. In that moment I was happy with _my_ Cristina. The one that didn't care to throw my shirt on the floor and didn't clean her spit on our kitchen sink. The one that could hurt me for being so insensitive but at the same time teach me to take things a little lighter.

She was a partner, a friend, a teacher and a lover. She _is_. But I will probably never live moments like that again. Not with her or with anybody else because there's no one like my Cristina.

**A/N: This ****was as long as the first one and I don't feel as good about it but I really think Burke did what he did out of love and I want other people to see it the same way I do because, after he left, a lot of people have started hating him and I don't think they are seeing the full picture. I think it was as hard for him to call off the wedding as it was hard for Cristina to accept it. I didn't want to say where he was but I'll address that in upcoming chapters.**


	3. The Maid of Honor or Whatever

**A/N: This is Meredith's POV finally seeing that this time is "really about Cristina"**

**III. The Maid of Honor or Whatever**

Cristina was tightly holding my hands because she had no other way to remain standing since her legs were too weak to do so. They were shaking as the rest of her body. In that moment I knew that she was fighting like hell to keep herself from falling, she was afraid that the moment she hit the floor her body would shatter into a million little pieces. And then what would she have? He was gone, her soul had been destroyed but as much as her legs weren't working at the moment she at least had them in one piece. I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I wouldn't shed them because I had to stay solid for her. I am her person. I also had to be her rock.

As the air left her lungs I felt her struggle to stop sobbing, to stop breathing, because she knew the next time she did, it would hurt more than the last. The aching that came from the simple act of just breathing would only increase until it finally reached a point where it would be so intense her body would be numbed from it. So I fixed my grip firmly because in no time another wave of pain would hit her and I had to try and do my best to shield her. It was useless. I couldn't shield her from the pain she was feeling. I couldn't even shield myself. Her pain was contagious. The only person able to take it away was the same that had caused it in the first place. The only one able to rebuild her was the one that had demolished her.

After what seem like an eternity of convulsive gasping sounds and shakings her body started to loosen up a bit, started to numb itself not being able to take the suffering anymore, but she still held me near. This was something I would fight with her. We started to slowly lie on her floor, her sobs now minutes apart from each other, her head resting on my arm that started to get wet with every tear her eyes let fall. Her tears were cold, like drops coming from a melting ice. I didn't know then why they were so cold, but I do now. Her insides were slowly turning into frozen crystals. Crystals that had been there when we first met and someone had managed to dissolve.

**A/N: You know the drill R&R please. Next chapter is where everything really begins.**


	4. Gathering the pieces

**IV. Gathering the pieces**

Cristina and Meredith lay on Cristina's living room floor. Meredith is awake but Cristina isn't, she had been drained from her very last drop of energy. Now Meredith tries to find a way to move her without waking her up. But where would she move her anyways? _The couch,_ she thought since taking Cristina to the bed she shared with Burke didn't seem like a very bright idea. She tries to pick Cristina up and shortly after her second trial realizes that idea is as bright as the first one. So instead she goes looking for covers and makes a bed in the floor for her. They sleep there for a continuous hour before Cristina moves for the first time. Meredith gets up instantly by Cristina's almost imperceptible movement, unnerved, and sees Cristina still sleeping. Sleep has totally leak out of her so she decides to call Izzie and George to let them know everything is fine. The moment she is about to pick up the phone it rings.

"Hello?" Nobody answers "Hello?" Nothing. "Dr. Burke?"

"Yes" There is a long pause "How is she?" He says finally finding his voice again.

"She's asleep. I gotta go." She puts the receiver down. She doesn't want to know where he is or what he wants because then she would be forced to tell Cristina and that will only hurt her at this moment. Besides there was also the chance she would say something she wasn't suppose to. Something like finishing the sentence "she's asleep" with "on the floor".

"Hey" Cristina says cutting through Meredith's train of thought and making her jump. Meredith doesn't know what catches her more off guard, Cristina being awake or Cristina's almost inaudible tone of voice.

"Hey" Resignation in their eyes.

"Let's go to my place" Meredith says moving towards Cristina's bedroom to start doing her bag. Cristina remains sitting on the floor looking absentmindedly at the place where Meredith had been standing seconds ago.

"Who was that?" She asks, her eyes still resting on Meredith's empty spot.

"Wrong number" As Meredith's voice comes from her closet she can feel how the last string of hope quickly fades away. Suddenly Meredith's standing in front of her, helping her stand up. Something she has been doing a lot lately. She thinks she's moving but she isn't completely sure. She feels like if she is seeing what's happening from outside her body. Meredith helps her out of what clothes remains on her body and into her shower. Meredith undoes her hair, takes off all of her make up, but redoes her eyebrows of course, bathes her, dresses her up and gets her to her car. Cristina doesn't participate in any of it and Meredith isn't sure if she was even aware of what is happening around her. She is numbed and Meredith thinks it is better that way.

Finally at Meredith's Cristina goes directly to Meredith's bed. Meredith changes and goes to the kitchen where Izzie is baking something for Cristina and Alex is eating it.

"Stop it!" Izzie says hitting Alex's hand. "It's for Cristina; you didn't get dumped on your wedding day"

"That's because I know better than to think I can have it all. If it hadn't been the wedding it would've been something else"

"Just don't eat the brownies ok? I'll make something for you when your life gets sucky"

"What are you guys doing? Oh! Brownies!" Meredith is about to get one when Izzie takes the plate away from them and puts it in the fridge.

"Is for Cristina"

"How do you pretend to give those brownies to her without getting physically hurt?" Alex asks Izzie.

"I think Alex is right. She will kick you ass for even suggesting that she needs comfort food. That's like saying she is weak, like if she needed comfort for some reason"

"And she does in case none of you smart pants has notice. Her boyfriend dumped her in the day he's supposed to promise her to stay forever. She has the right to be upset"

"That's a right she'll never claim" Alex says opening the fridge. Izzie comes behind him and closes the door. "Hey I just want some milk"

"Whatever" Izzie says stepping away from the fridge.

"Thank you" Alex says opening the fridge again and taking the milk out.

"How is she?" Izzie asks looking at Meredith.

"Iz, seriously, how do you think she is?" Alex says.

"I wasn't talking to you. Meredith?" Meredith wants to avoid the question but she knows how relentless Izzie can get.

"Sleeping in my bed" By Meredith's answer Alex can tell Cristina was not good at all.

"And Burke?" Izzie asks remembering his vows.

"Yeah, where's the bastard?"

"So I take it Izzie has told you what happened" Meredith sends a disapproving look Izzie's way "I don't know. When we got to his apartment his things were gone"

"He took all of his stuff? Wow the guy is fast."

"Actually he left almost everything. He only took some things Cristina pointed out for me to see. I would've never notice otherwise"

"Well that sucks big time. I swear if the guy so much as looks at her I'll beat the living crap out of him" Alex says with anger in his voice before realizing Meredith and Izzie were looking at him like if he was crazy. "And if you ever tell her I just said that I'll do the same to you"

"Okaaaay" Izzie says looking at Alex like he has completely flipped out. "So no word on Burke huh?" She turns to ask Meredith.

"He called when we were there"

"Really? What did Cristina tell him?" Izzie asks.

"I picked up the phone. She was asleep"

"But you told her right?" Alex looks at Meredith knowing that she would let something like that "slip her mind".

"What?" Meredith asks as if she doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Oh dude you have to tell her ASAP"

"Unfortunately I have to agree with Alex this time."

"Right now is not the time to tell her. Believe me" Meredith tells them remembering how hard it had been to see her friend in the state she was a few hours ago.

"You're right. You should've told her when you hung up the phone." Alex says before he takes the last gulp of milk and starts going upstairs.

"I'll tell her in the morning"

"Hey tomorrow we will be residents. Yay!" Izzie says because is in her optimistic nature to try to hold onto something bright among all this darkness.

"Yeah sure" Meredith says standing up and turning to walk upstairs leaving Izzie alone in the kitchen.

**Upstairs**

Alex saw Meredith's bedroom door half open and he couldn't help to take a look at Cristina to make sure, _Not really to make sure just to see if Yang hadn't tried to hang herself or something_, she was ok. He sees her sleeping but there's something, maybe in the position that she's sleeping or in the expression on her face, that seems wrong, like she's missing something. He stares at her for a moment before realizing she's crying. He's sure she's asleep now because she would never let him see her like that awake. In that moment he thinks of the irony of it all. How Burke had run out on Cristina at the same time he was running after Ava or Rebecca or whatever; How _he_ had run out on Ava and when he came back it was too late, the same way Burke was gone when Cristina got to their apartment; how Cristina had changed herself to fulfill Burke's every expectation of her and how Ava said she had never been as true to herself as she had when she was with him and still Burke had left and so had him.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asks from behind as Alex jumps out of his skin.

"Geez could you be a little bit creepier?"

"You're one to talk" Meredith says crossing her arms in front of her chest waiting for an answer.

"I was just checking if she was awake"

"Now that you've seen she's not you can go" Meredith says smiling with her lips only. She doesn't want anyone to see Cristina so beaten up. _Why was Alex so concerned? Maybe he didn't have a good day either_, she shrugs her thought off and walks inside her bedroom. Tomorrow meant a new beginning. They would finally be residents and would get to torture interns instead of being the ones always tortured.

**A/N: Did you like this? Let me know if you did and I'll update as soon as I can.**


	5. Don’t look at me like that

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing**** especially to Ollyt. Your reviews make me want to update faster. Please let me know if you think if any of the characters are OOC or if you feel like there are pieces in my story that feel dragged out (as Lavenderangel did). Well thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

**V. Don't look at me like that**

A noise that resembles a power-driven saw wakes up Cristina. She feels even more tire than when she fell asleep. She looks around not knowing for a few seconds where she was until she sees Meredith sprawled all over the bed next to her and identifies her as the source of the unpleasant sound that awoke her. She moves Meredith's arm away from her chest and gets out of bed. Her throat is as dry as if she had swallowed a tank of sand; she needs something to drink so she goes to the kitchen for some water. The first thing she sees when she opens the fridge are the brownies Izzie made. She looks at them for more than 5 seconds wondering if she could eat one. Finally she ignores them and just takes the water out.

Upstairs Izzie can't sleep. The events of the day displaying in front of her everytime she closes her eyes. Suddenly she hears movement coming from the kitchen and immediately thinks is Alex stealing Cristina's brownies. She gets out of bed furious; Alex was going to hear her. When she's coming downstairs she starts yelling.

"I specifically asked you to stay away from those brownies but you had to…" She trails off when she sees Cristina with her hand halfway to her mouth holding the last crumbles of brownie.

"Oh I'm sorry." She says putting the crumbles down in the plate again "I was just planning to eat one but I guess I got a little carried away. I'll buy some tomorrow."

"Don't worry. I thought it was Alex"

"What does that mean? You didn't do this for me right? Because I don't…" Izzie interrupts her.

"Of course not. No. I made them for myself. Is just that Alex is always eating my food" She says taking a seat next to her on the table.

"Oh. Okay."

"How long have you been awake?" Izzie asks looking at the wall clock. It reads 3:34 AM.

"An hour, maybe 2." Cristina answers sincerely; she has lost all track of time. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"I guess I'm excited for today. You know, since we're gonna be residents and all"

"Yeah. And we get to have our own group of interns. Finally we can start to enjoy what we've worked so hard for."

"Are you saying that all this time you've been working to have people to torture?"

"Hell yes." She says with an evil grin. "Have you forgotten all the hoops we had to jump through to get some respect? To be consider a little less than dirt? They have no idea what awaits them." Izzie starts laughing but she's always a little unsettled by Cristina's lack of emotions. She's talking about torturing interns like if less than 12 hours ago her boyfriend hadn't called off their wedding. Izzie looks into Cristina's eyes trying to find an answer but instead all she can see is a deep void where she thinks her soul should've been. But there's nothing. No feeling or emotion. There's just an empty space.

"You don't get it" Cristina says maintaining her gaze leveled with Izzie's, sensing her unspoken accusations and taking Izzie off guard. "And you won't. The fact that I'm not going to lay on your bathroom floor for everybody to console me or endlessly cry my eyes out or inspire pity everywhere I walk doesn't make me less immune to what happened. I'm just not you." That's as much as she'll ever confess to Izzie how much this affects her. She gets up from the table, takes a piece of paper hanging on the fridge, writes something in it and hands it to Izzie. "Please give this to Meredith when she wakes up." With that she turns around taking her bag and heads for the door leaving Izzie with her mouth half open trying to formulate an answer to defend herself. Izzie had no right to judge her the way she did but still that never stopped her. It had been the same when she lost the baby. She didn't say anything at the time but she knew better. Everybody thought that she wasn't perceptive just because she couldn't relate to other people's feelings but she knew one thing had nothing to do with the other. It was in the way Izzie looked at her. Izzie wouldn't understand unless she was in the verge of killing herself and Cristina wasn't one that liked to be seen as a walking train wreck. Other people loved being looked with pity eyes but the only eyes Cristina would ever allow look at her were envy eyes. She wasn't about to let anyone find comfort in her sadness. She takes off and starts making her way to Seattle Grace.


	6. The Decisions We Make

**A/N: Here's another update… Hey you can't complain 2 updates in one day. Thanks for the reviews I appreciate them greatly. **

**VI. The Decisions We Make**

"Yes Preston, I understand your situation but still I need you to sign some papers." Said Richard a little agitated.

"Richard I'm not asking you as your subordinate, I'm asking you as your friend"

"I'm sorry. In this case you _are_ my subordinate."

"I see. Are you going to be in the hospital after midnight?"

"I'll be here all night. Adele's still here."

"How is she?"

"She's much better now. Thanks for asking."

"Well I'll be there before five in the morning"

"Preston, you really think she'll come tomorrow? I highly doubt it."

"I _know_ she'll be there tomorrow. I just don't think she'll be earlier than seven." He said before they exchanged their goodbye's. He was almost sure Meredith would have to drag Cristina out of bed with a pickup truck. So he made his decision of going there before she would show up for her first day as a resident.

Decisions are the specific path we take to get from point A to point B. If there's something Preston Burke has always been was decisive. Since he was a little boy, once he made up his mind there was no turning back. That special quality suited his edge as a surgeon. He always had a course of action, he always knew what to do next, only lost cases, cases that not even if God was a surgeon could save, were the ones he lost. That decisiveness fitted his determination, perseverance, his will of always wanting to be more, to be better. He liked to think he didn't believe in odds but still every single one of he's decisions were based on theoric and experimental evidence that provided him with the possible outcome because he hated making mistakes. He believed that if you tried hard enough you could make things perfectly. _Perfectly according to whom?_ He found himself thinking because, right now, he felt like all those answers had no use at all. He had no idea where to go from here. No plan, no course of action this time. He took people's hearts apart and put them back together and it was so very wry he didn't knew how to fix his own. People had this conceived idea that the hard part about decisions was actually making them but that's not even half of it. He knew that the hard part about decisions was sticking to them and learning how to live with the consequences.

That conversation took place more than 6 hours ago. Now he's looking in the mirror thinking that he has aged more in the last 12 hours than he has in the past 12 years. He takes he's watch and puts it around his wrist. 3:55 AM. He'll go in, sign whatever it was Richard wanted him to sign and take off. It wouldn't take him more than half-hour.

**Meanwhile at the youth hostel**

Meredith wakes up and sees "Cristina's side" empty.

"Cristina?" She says knocking in her bathroom door before opening it. Nothing. She looks for her in the other bathroom, in Izzie's bedroom, not even noticing Izzie's not there, in Alex's.

"Meredith? What the fuck? Is it time already?" Alex says putting his hand in front of his eyes to shield them of the light coming from the hall.

"No. It's just Cristina."

Alex immediately sits in his bed "What about her?"

"I can't find her." Meredith says as Alex jumps out of his bed.

"Let's look for her then."

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"Have you found her?" He doesn't waits for an answer "Then you're not doing a very good job at it." He walks past her into the hall and starts going downstairs with Meredith following close behind him. They see Izzie in the kitchen washing some dishes.

"Hey where's Cristina?" Alex asks a little uneasy.

"She left like half-hour ago. She wanted me to give you this." Izzie says handing Meredith the paper Cristina gave her.

_Meredith: _

_Breathe, calm down, I'm fine. I'm not buying any rope. I'm not looking for a cliff. I went back to the hospital. _

_C'ya there. _

_Cristina._

_P.S: Thank you for… you know… thanks. _

"She's in the hospital." She says turning to Alex.

"Of course she is. We should've figure. She wouldn't be Yang if she wasn't trying to get ahead." He says grinning inwardly and feeling like someone had lifted a heavy rock from his chest. Meredith feels the same way.

**At SGH**

Cristina's standing outside the hospital looking at the doors opening and closing, letting people go in and out. She knows he won't be walking in any of those directions but still she feels that a little bit of hope remains. She takes a deep breath pulling herself together, gathering the courage to walk through those doors. She needs to do this. She needs to prove herself she can do it. She lets out a long sigh realizing she'd been holding her breath in and sees how it freezes in front of her. For a moment she wonders if it freezes by the cold surrounding atmosphere or if it just comes out already frozen for the cold that lies within her. She takes another deep breath and starts walking toward the doors.

Once inside she sees as everybody stops doing whatever it was they were doing to turn around and look at her. She held eye contact with every single face that's looking at her, one by one daring them to articulate a word. The same faces that just yesterday had only looked at her with jealousy and contempt today seemed to be filled with sorrow and empathy. _Empathy. As if they knew how I feel_. She's tempted for a split second to turn around and leave but that would only give them more reasons to look at her like that. She looks down as she dismisses the idea of leaving and quickly looks straight forward, holding her head up high. She had to maintain the little dignity she had left, had to stop believing in them and start believing in just herself again. She starts walking toward Chief Webber's office. He was the only one who could maybe perhaps tell her something about Burke. She needed to know if he was fine and in that moment she hated herself for still caring but there was no point in denying it. When it came down to Burke she had learnt to bend her pride in all directions and that wasn't about to change in this moment because right now her pride could wait until she made sure he was fine.

She knocks in his door and doesn't wait for an answer before entering.

"Chief Webber I need to ask you a quick question"

"Doctor Yang…"

"And it has to stay confidential. It's just that I know you and Burke are friends and well…"

"Doctor Yang…" Richard says more intensely.

"Please Chief let me finish." She can feel her resolve melting just like when the day before she asked Doctor Bailey to let her scrub in "I was thinking that maybe you could tell me if you've heard anything from him. He hasn't call yet and he would've normally called by now. Maybe you could tell me where he is or more precisely _how_ he is?" She finally stops spitting words a million miles per hour and breaths in deeply trying to regain control of her emotions.

"Doctor Yang are you done?"

"Yes" She says moving a little bit forward, expectantly, holding the back of the chair in front of the Chief's desk with both hands to balance herself.

"And you want to know where he is?"

"Yes" She answers tightening her grip to the chair.

"Then turn around"

Something Burke should've learnt is that when it came down to Cristina it didn't matter all the evidence in the world proving the contrary, you could never be certain of the outcome.

**A/N:**** Cliffhanger! I'll try to update tomorrow. Please R&R. Thanks!**


	7. Propelled by Fear

**A/N: We****ll I have to thank you all once again for being so very nice reviewing. Before you read this chapter I need you to please try to find the song The City Lights by Umbrellas (it's not on youtube… I already checked). I want you to listen to this song while you're reading the part when we get back to the office because if I owned this characters, which I obviously don't since I'm not the devil (Shonda The Devil / Ruler of all that is evil), this would be the song I'd put in the background. I hope you enjoy this next chapter because I really worked hard on it and, as always, if you think something doesn't fits let me know. **

**VII. Propelled by Fear**

"I guess that we could start getting ready since we're all awake." Alex says taking a glass of orange juice that's on the table.

"I agree" Says Meredith.

"Hey that was mine!" Izzie says looking at her now empty glass of juice. "I'll go first" And starts walking towards the stairs.

"Please Iz try not to take 5 hours like the last time. If I recall correctly I was late _thanks to you_" Alex says half yelling.

"Alex you're always late. Don't blame Izzie."

"Whatever." Alex says opening the fridge. "Damn, the brownies are gone."

"They weren't for you anyways. Hey why did you leave the chapel in such a hurry yesterday?"

"It was nothing." He closes the fridge "How are you and Shepard doing?"

"Don't really in the mood to talk about that."

"Wow you're not in the mood to talk about yourself? Or Shepard? Is that bad?"

"Shut up Alex."

"Well good luck with that. I'm gonna go upstairs and tell Izzie to move her butt" He says turning around and walking out of the kitchen.

Meredith reads the note Cristina left for her one more time. _P.S. Thanks for… you know… thanks. _

_It was nothing._

**Back at Chief Webber's office**** (turn on your iTunes)**

"What, Sir?" She must have misunderstood what he said.

"I said turn around Yang; he's standing right behind you." Cristina freezes. She can feel how every single muscle in her body stiffens up. The hardest piece of metal would pale in comparison of how hard her body felt right now. She had entered the Chief's office so fast she hadn't noticed how his scent invaded every corner of the now so very small room.

"I did call you" She hears his voice coming from behind but she doesn't turn around to look at him. She does not move. She can't. She wants to. She wants to run out of that sudden confinement. But there's nothing she can do about it besides fight like hell not to fall apart. The back of the chair is about to turn into dust from the pressure her hands are putting upon it.

"Cristina" Her name slowly slides out of his lips in a whisper that in its travel from his mouth to her ears becomes a sword going through her whole being. A sword going deep into her, twisting and turning. _Breathe_. She says to herself trying to maintain everything under control. It's in vain. Everything's spinning out of control and she can't do anything to stop it. She looks down to her legs, and for a second thinks there might be an earthquake but rapidly looks up and sees Chief Webber calmly seated in his chair so that couldn't be it. Maybe a more appropriate guess would be to think that her legs are the only things quaking in that room.

The silence is deteriorated by someone's pager going off. She can't take her hands away from the chair to see if it's hers. It's the chief's. He starts to stand up from his chair and makes his way to the door.

"Where are you going, sir?" Cristina asks, panic overflowing her voice.

"It's Adele. Preston stay here." When in the history of the world had Chief Webber left his work to go attend his wife? _Today. _

He walks past Cristina and goes out of his office. They are alone. This is the first time they are alone in more than 24 hours since they were never alone in their wedding day. And the realization falls hard upon them both.

She looks out the Chief's office's window and there's people looking inside. _No damn it! Pull it together! Those sons of bitches knew he was here and nobody said a word._ She wouldn't give in to what they wanted. She preferred people looking at her as a soulless bitch, as Izzie did, than a whinny poor little bride left the day of her wedding. Finding strength in her fear of being seen as weak she manages to speak.

"How are you?" She says her voice barely audible, still looking out, still in the same position. She wanted to know how he was but she wasn't ready to face him just yet.

"I'm fine. How are you?" His voice translates the pain he is feeling for seeing her like this. He can tell she's barely standing on her feet, even though she's doing her best to put up a front. The pain he is feeling for not being able to hold her in his arms and let her find comfort in them. He can't help it and puts his hand on her shoulder.

"Please Dr. Burke if you could keep your hands to yourself I would really appreciate it." She says the moment she feels his hand on her shoulder. He ignores her request and instead tightens his grip. It hurts_. It hurts to want to look into his eyes and tell him I'd take him back, it hurts I want him to keep his hand on my shoulder, it hurts that I want him to put his other hand on my other shoulder and keep the balance for me instead of this stupid chair, it hurts to want him to be firm for me but instead he feels so unsteady, it hurts that I so desperately want to feel his lips touching mine but what hurts the most is that he can never seem to listen to me._

"I asked you to please remove your hand from my shoulder." Her voice comes out stronger. He does as she says feeling as if she had sucked his soul the moment he laid his hand on her shoulder. Again, the unwelcome looks coming from outside the office feed her and she takes one hand away from the chair and takes the doorknob not once turning around to look at him. She opens the door and lets her other hand go of the back of the chair, her entire weight now resting upon her unstable legs. She starts walking outside Richard's office when she feels his hand grabbing her arm hard stopping her on her tracks and forcing her to face him. He closes the door with his other hand. She doesn't want to look into he's eyes so instead fixes her gaze in the hand resting in her arm.

"Burke let go of me." Her voice firm masking the weakness that doesn't allow her to take her arm away from his hand.

"No. Look at me" She doesn't move. "Cristina look at me damn it!" She knew the moment she looked into his eyes there would be no resolve, no strength. She wouldn't fall apart. But what was he doing? Preston Burke was a man of his word. He always stuck to his decisions. And he had chosen to let her go. Seeing her like this told him he had made a huge mistake.

Cristina's afraid now. She fears she won't be strong enough to keep standing. He was the only one who ever took her fears away. She gives in. She looks into his eye. Everything was there. Like the first time their eyes found each other's. His eyes told the story of a man that loved her. A man who _loves_ her. He can see the same. He can see _her_.

Suddenly Richard enters his office. They seem to be lost in each others eyes and don't even notice his presence.

"Ahem" Richard loudly clears his throat and the trance is broken. He lets go of her arm and she quickly walks out of the room.

"Cristina" Burke says about to start following her. Richard puts his hand on Burke's arm now.

"Don't. You walked out on her. Let her go already" Burke looks past Richard for Cristina and then looks back at Richard.

"She's not the Cristina I walked out on."

**A/N: Please let me now what you think. I don't know when I'll be able to update again but I'll do it as soon as I get a chance. Thanks for reading.**


	8. Everybody Needs A Fence to Lean On

**VIII. Everybody Needs A Fence to Lean On.**

Callie is looking at the board to make sure her patient's surgery is on schedule when she sees a short silhouette in the corner of her eye standing at her side.

"Good Morning, Dr. Torres" Callie wonders how can such a small person have such a strong voice and it strikes her how odds it is for this person to be calling her doctor instead of just Callie.

"Dr. Torres? Miranda you know you can call me Callie"

"Yeah." Bailey answers dismissively and Callie can tell something is bugging her. She's almost sure she knows what that something is. "Have you seen my interns? Particularly Yang" Bailey has just overheard some nurses talking about Cristina being with the Chief and Burke.

"Your interns? I thought they were suppose to be residents today" In that moment Bailey sees George hasn't told Callie about his test results.

"You know what I mean" Bailey says obviously annoyed.

"Okay." Callie says slowly, turning her eyes away from the board to look at Bailey for a moment. Bailey doesn't even flinches, her eyes static on the board. "No, I haven't. Wait, did you say Yang?" That was just not possible. No one would show up to their work the day after your fiancé calls off your wedding.

"Why does that surprises you? We're talking about Cristina here" Bailey wonders how Callie can be so unaware about what's happening around her, how can she know so little about the people she's been hanging with for so long. She can't believe she got passed over for chief resident by such a clueless person.

"Yes I know but since yesterday…" Bailey interrupts Callie.

"Still." She refuses to bring up the subject. Cristina doesn't need more people talking about what happened. "Look if you see Cristina tell her to come down to the clinic immediately. She has to stay as far from an OR as possible, understood? She's on scut today."

It bothers Callie the way Bailey is talking to her, like if she didn't deserve to be chief resident, like if she had done something on purpose to harm Bailey's career. At the same time Bailey feels Callie has peed all over her territory.

"Understood." Callie answers reluctantly as she sees Bailey's outline disappearing from the corner of her eye.

**In ****another part of the hospital.**

Izzie, Alex and Meredith are walking around a corner when they see Cristina approaching fast towards them. She collides into Meredith taking her hand, pulling her into an empty on-call room and closing the door behind them leaving Alex and Izzie wondering what's happening.

"What's up with her?" Says Alex looking at the closed on call room door.

"I don't know" Izzie shrugs. They both turn around to keep walking when they see Burke that looks like he's looking for something. By now Alex has figured out what's going on and decides to stay by the on call room. Burke comes up to where they are.

"Stevens, Karev have you seen Cristina?" He asks.

"Oh yeah she just walked…" Izzie starts answering before Alex stomps on her foot hard enough so she shuts up but discreetly enough so Burke wouldn't notice.

"By!" Alex quickly intervenes "Said something about hiding in the basement or something"

"Okay" Says Burke as he nods his thanks and starts making his way to the stairs.

When Burke is out of their sight Izzie lets out a high-pitched "Ouch" and Alex turns to look at her.

"Izzie were you really going to tell Burke? Seriously?" Alex is still processing his friend's foolishness.

"I'm sorry I just thought that…" Izzie starts apologizing realizing she could've really mess things up.

"You know what? I've seen stupid. Really stupid. And you still manage to amaze me sometimes" Izzie stares at him with eyes full of hate before walking away. Alex rolls his eyes, turns around and tries to open the on call room door but it's locked.

"It's me" He says while knocking on the door. Meredith opens the door a little and sticks her head out.

"What?"

"He's gone"

"Okay. Thanks." Meredith retrieves back to the room. Cristina is sitting in a bed looking down to her feet, one hand rubbing her forehead and the other under her elbow that's resting on her leg. She looks up to Meredith once the door is closed.

"He's here" She says regaining her strength.

"I can see that"

"And he said things."

"What things?" Meredith asks as Cristina looks down again not wanting to remember what happened but she answers anyways.

"He said he called me and either we weren't in the apartment or he was lying"

"Actually, he wasn't" Meredith confesses and Cristina looks back at her confused.

"What?"

"He did call you. He asked me how you were. I told him you were sleeping and I hung up the phone" Meredith decides is better to just tell her now before Burke does.

"When were you planning to tell me this?" Cristina asks in disbelief.

"Today… at some point… during… the day." Meredith answers reluctantly and sees how the expression on her friend's face goes from angry to overwhelm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" Cristina lies. She needs to do something. She needs to cut. Maybe cutting some human flesh would make her forget, if only just for a moment, of her own bleeding wound. Maybe seeing a person healing after being put through an extenuating procedure that involved inflicting pain could make her see what she herself had to go through before she could heal and that way gain hope that one day she actually would. But there is a minor problem, she would have to go to the locker room for her scrubs and that is a risk she isn't sure she is willing to take.

"If you want we can go to Joe's." Meredith says a little afraid for the look in Cristina's face "We can talk to the chief later. You know, it's never too early to start drinking" Cristina appreciates her friend's effort to make her feel better so she tries the best she can to look like her regular self.

"Oh Mere, you'll do great as a mom. No thanks I have something else on my…" She sees Meredith has a bag on her hand "What do you have there?" Cristina asks pointing her finger in the bag's direction.

"Some clean scrubs. Why?"

"Give them to me." This was her chance.

"What?" Meredith is taken aback by her friend's request.

"You heard me."

"Yeah but then what will I wear? You know I can't scrub in wearing street clothes"

"Neither can I. You can take my scrubs. They're in my locker"

"Yeah right and look like an angry big green man whose clothes doesn't fit him?" Meredith really had to stop watching 6 year-old movies.

"You mean Hulk"

"I mean I'm not giving them to you" Meredith doesn't want to give in. She'll look ridiculous when she faces the new interns. Cristina rolls her eyes.

"You want me to go to the locker room, where he's probably waiting for me, so you can look nice in your pretty blue scrubs? Is that what you want?" Cristina knows she can win this fight. Meredith has a soft spot for her, but then again, so did she for Meredith.

"Oh just take them already." Meredith's resolve has melted.

"Thanks" Cristina says standing up and taking her friend's bag from her hand.

**A/N: Sorry I took so long updating but it's been one hell of a week. Thanks for all the reviews as always they are highly appreciated (****iNt0 the fIre**** I didn't intent to make you cry but I can't say I feel sorry about it). Well let me know what you think and I'll **_**try**_** to update tomorrow. Please R&R.**


	9. Get a Clue

**A/N: Indeed, the last chapter was a filler, and it was short and I'm sorry about that but I hope you find this chapter a little bit more interesting. I swear I'm going somewhere but I have to build up the story first. Anyways thanks again for reviewing, it helps me identified the areas I have to work a little harder**** on. **

**XI. Get a Clue**

"Good Morning Dr. Torres" Cristina says entering the scrub room where Callie's preparing for her surgery.

"Good morning, Dr. Yang" Callie looks at Cristina and notices something is out of place, it seems like her scrubs are too big for her. For a second she wants to ask Cristina how she's doing but then she sees her opening up a soup and turning the water on.

"What are you doing?" Callie asks instead.

"Oh I'm your intern, I mean resident, today" Cristina is looking through the glass into the OR while scrubbing her hands hard.

"No, you're not" Callie says looking up at Cristina but she's concentrated scrubbing her hands hard.

"I have to scrub in"

"Actually…" Callie remembers what Bailey just told her.

"Callie" Cristina drops the soap and turns off the water grabbing a towel and getting closer to her, looking directly in her eye "I need to scrub in"

Callie stares at her for a moment thinking Bailey's going to kill her for doing this but quickly remembers that she's Bailey's boss and this was her opportunity to show Bailey so. Besides Cristina had become someone she cared about even if she didn't want to admit it.

"Okay then." Callie accepts and Cristina rapidly enters the OR with Callie right behind her.

**Locker Room**

Meredith is alone in the locker room. She's late and is trying to put on Cristina's scrub top but the thing refuses to go down her shoulders. This could easily be Cristina's tiniest scrub because she was sure they wore the same clothing size, _was being the keyword_. She gives it one more try and her head finally comes popping out of the top, the only problem now was trying to breathe. Well maybe the fact that her chest looked like a freaking table could be considered as a problem too. She looks down at her pants and it was like if she was trapped in some other dimension where people used Capri scrub pants. _Hulk definitely looked better than I do right now._ She hears someone coming and struggles between staying there or hiding behind some lockers or in the bathroom and finally decides she's just going to sit on the bench and talk to whoever walked in as if she didn't look like a damn clown.

"Dr. Burke" She says when she sees him and hiding in the bathroom suddenly seemed like the better option.

"Meredith, have you seen Cristina?"

"Yes" She answers with venom in her voice. How can he even consider the possibility that she's going to tell him where Cristina is when she's obviously avoiding him?

"She's not in the basement anymore"

"She never was" Meredith says and Burke is taken off base. Alex just told him that she was in the basement.

"Oh" He says finally stumbling into the conclusion that they were keeping Cristina away from him "I understand"

"Yeah. What do you want anyways?" Meredith is loathing this conversation but she needs to get straight one or two things with him.

"Excuse me?" He should've known Meredith wouldn't exactly be full of joy to see him.

"No. You didn't see what I saw. You don't know how she feels. You have no right to come barging into her life like nothing happened." Burke looks at Meredith but doesn't say a word. Here he is; being told off by Cristina's best friend. He had been so focused on finding her that he hadn't even thought of what he was going to say when he did and now Meredith was saying how much this has affected Cristina. He knows Cristina's hurting, he saw it in her eyes, he knew when he walked out of that chapel that she would but for Meredith to be telling him something like this, Meredith who so fiercely protects her best friend and wouldn't let anyone think she's vulnerable, but worst, for Meredith to actually _see_ Cristina in pain, Cristina who preferred to suffer in silence. Suddenly it seemed like what he thinks could pale in comparison to what actually is.

"I know you can't see it because you're involved but believe me, you can't help her." Meredith continues "You'll only make things worst. She's doing the best she can with what she has left to keep everything under control for you to come crashing into her and send all to hell. As her friend, as a person that really cares for her, as _her _person, I'm asking you to please leave her alone. She _needs_ you to leave her alone."

"I see." He says as he starts walking out of the locker room. What was he suppose to do? Cristina was in pain because of him, how could he help her get through it without getting her more hurt? Maybe Meredith was right, maybe he couldn't help Cristina, maybe the best thing he could do was leave for good. But was he willing to turn his back on her once more? If he did there probably be no way she would ever accept him back but he couldn't keep harming her, for her and for him. Seeing her like this and being so powerless about it made him feel like something was eating he's insides slowly. Meredith told him to back-off but she didn't understand. It didn't matter how much she could be there for her, Cristina wouldn't find comfort in any other arms that weren't his own. That's just how it is, that's just how it had always been.

**After the surgery**

Callie and Cristina are walking out of the scrub room after the surgery. Cristina reaches the nurses station where she starts looking in some charts for interesting cases. Callie comes up to her.

"Good work Yang." Callie says satisfied with the surgery results.

"You were pretty good yourself" Cristina says grabbing a chart at last and opening it.

"No need to kiss my ass" Cristina half smiles at Callie's comment "Hey how are you doing?" Callie finally finds the courage to ask her.

"I'm great. The surgery was awesome." Cristina's still on a high from the surgery and her mind denies to go back to reality.

"It's just that… well after what happened…"

"Nothing happened" Cristina interrupts Callie trying to stay in her high. _If something would've happened I'd be married today._ And there's the low.

"Okay." Callie ultimately gets the hint that Cristina's avoiding the subject and decides to go for a lighter one "Well as you should know nothing in this life is for free"

"Oh please don't make me tell the family. I know I asked you to let me in but I really didn't sign up for that plus there will probably be hugging and stuff" Her high had been corrupted by Callie's interrogations and, consequently, she was too bitter to deal with perky people at the moment. Well to be honest she was always too bitter to deal with perky people.

"Don't worry, that wasn't what I was going to ask from you"

"Good." Cristina's relieved "What is it then?"

"You _have_ to come to my wedding party" Callie's says begging and Cristina looks at her for a moment not quite sure if she understood correctly.

"Your what? You do realize you got married like a month ago right?"

"Yeah, tell that to my mother"

"There will be mothers? Forget it"

"Cristina I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. This is the price you pay for scrubbing in. Besides Addison decided to go to God knows where, Bailey hates me and Meredith will be drunk. Who am I suppose to talk to? Izzie?"

"I can't believe this." She told herself that she couldn't say no after Callie let her scrub in but she really couldn't say no when Callie had accepted to be one of her bridesmaids and did the dresses and wore a bow in her ass, all so she wouldn't look bad in front of _Mamma_ "When?"

"Seriously? You're coming? Thank you so very very much!"

"Yeah whatever. Tell me when before I change my mind" _Did I really say yes?_

"Next week. I'll give you an invitation tomorrow with all the details"

"Great. Can't wait." Cristina says sarcastically turning around to go.

"Wait! I almost forgot, Bailey asked me to tell you to go to the clinic. Stat."

**A/N: I hope you liked this. Thanks for reading and please review. **


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